I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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