Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
