I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
