hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
