ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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