Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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