I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
