whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
