i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
