the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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