So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
