I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
