I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
