I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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