Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
only you would photoshop your dick
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
