I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
