literally had 100 drinks last night.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
