In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
