Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
