I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
