Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
