the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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