Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
