once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
