i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
