help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
