i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
