i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
