yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
