here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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