The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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