i already hear my dad disowning me
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
