So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
