3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
