her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
