and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
