I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
