i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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