I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
