Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
