My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
