i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
