Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
