You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
