there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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