But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
the condom got lost in my hair
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
