I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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