i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Randomize
