you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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