At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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