I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
this will be a night to untag.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
