so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
