The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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