So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
