I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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