He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
