i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
