I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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